No, Really, How Gay am I?

According to the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI), of which the Scientific American test is an extract (and if I want to be cynical, an extract expressly designed to cater to the current sensationalization of bisexuality, especially female bisexuality), I’m pretty heterosexual, with a mean sexual orientation (MSO) of “3? and a sexual orientation range (SOR) of “6. What that means, so far as I can tell, is I’m pretty much heterosexual (no surprise there) but have a high degree of sexual flexibility (they italicize it, so it must be important).

But listen:

The lower your scores, the more heterosexual your orientation. The higher your scores, the more homosexual your orientation. The wider the range, the greater your sexual flexibility and the more choice you have about porn to behave sexually.

Notice how the last sentence essentially cancels out the underlying assumption of the first two, namely that there’s a “state of being” that can be characterized as either hetero or fetish homo. If my scientifically-determined sexual orientation ranges from queer-hating studly-man to metrosexual bi-guy, what does the category “heterosexual” even signify? How does a straight guy like myself become “more heterosexual” or “more homosexual”? Are the categories any more meaningful for being numbers from “1 to “12 than the simple binary of “hetero/homo”?

I should note, some of the questions are pretty bad, too.

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